Weiner Dog

Jokes and Poems

This a collection of funny dog jokes and poems that we've found through the years on the internet..
This page is for those of you who need a good laugh! I've long sense believed that weiner dog owners have a great sense of humor!
(Don't worry, nothing here will make you cry. I'm too sensitive to read those tear jerking poems.)
I hope you enjoy these. If you have a new one, please let us know!!

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My favorite dog poem
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WHY OWN A DOG?

Why own a dog? There's a danger you know,
You can't own just one, for the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger.
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.

One dog is no trouble, and two are so funny.
The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey.
The fifth one's delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
You find you can live with a houseful of ease.

So how 'bout another? Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy but, oh, Lord the hair!
With dogs on the sofa and dogs on the bed,
And crates in the kitchen, it's no bother, you've said.

They're really no trouble, their manners are great.
What's one more dog and just one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
The floor is all footprints, the furniture dusty.

The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few noseprints and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room,
And a little more time for the dust cloth and broom.

There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add,
The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny.
The vet and food bills grows larger, you owe BIG money.

Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other "dog folks" who live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too,
But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew.

There's dog food and vitamins, training and shots.
And entries and travel and motels which cost lots.
Is it worth it you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then that favorite one comes and climbs in your lap.

His look says you're special and you know that you will
Keep all of the critters in spite of the bill.
Some just for showing and some just to breed.
And some just for loving, they all fill a need.

God, winter's a hassle, the dogs hate it too.
But they must have their walks though they're numb and your blue.
Late evening is awful, you scream and you shout
At the dogs on the sofa who refuse to go out.

The dogs and the dog shows, the travel, the thrills,
The work and the worry, the pressure, the bills.
The whole thing seems worth it, the dogs are your life.
They're charming and funny and offset the strife.

Your life-style has changed. Things won't be the same.
Yes, those dogs are addictive and so is the dog game.

Unknown Poet

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FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are
yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean
that it is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me
doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but
sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
on the front door:

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My Little Puppy
Breeder's Poem

I love my little puppy; she makes my house a home.
She is my very best friend; I never feel alone.
She makes me smile;
She makes me laugh;
She fills my heart with love . . .

Did some breeder breed her, or did she fall down from above?

I've never been a breeder, never seen life through their eyes;

But, still I hold my little puppy and just sit and criticize. I've never known their anguish; I've never felt their pain, the caring of their charges, through snow or wind or rain.

I've never sat the whole night through, waiting for babies to be born, the stress and trepidation when they're still not there by dawn. I've never felt the heartache of a little life in my hands, this darling little baby, who weighs but 60 grams.

Should you do that instead of this . . . or this instead of that?

Alone you fight and hope one day, he'll grow to be a dog.

You pray he'll live to bring joy to another family, and make a house a home.

You know it's all up to you; you'll fight this fight alone.

Formula, bottles, heating pads, you've got to get this right, two-hour feedings for this tiny guy, throughout the day and night.

In your heart you know you're almost sure to lose the fight, to save this little baby, but God willing you just MIGHT.

Day one he's in there fighting; you say a silent prayer.

Day two & three, he's doing well, with lots of love and care.

Day four & five . . . he's still alive; your hopes soar to the heavens.

Day six he slips away again, dies in your hands.

Day seven. You take this little angel, and bury him alone.

With aching heart and burning tears, and an exhausted groan, you ask yourself, "Why do this? Why suffer all this pain?"

But seeing the joy your puppies bring . . it really self-explains.
So, when you think of breeders and label them with "Greed,"

Think about what they endure to fill another's need.

When you buy a puppy, and with your precious dollars part, remember, You only pay with money .. . . we pay with a piece of our heart.

Author Unknown

funny dachshund puppy picture

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The Bed Puppy

Now I lay me down to sleep,

The king-size bed is soft and deep..

I sleep right in the center groove

My human being can hardly move!

I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight

And here is where I pass the night

No one disturbs me or dares intrude

Till morning comes and "I want food!"

I sneak up slowly to begin

my nibbles on my human's chin.

She wakes up quickly,

I have sharp teeth-

I'm a puppy, don't you see?

For the morning's here

and it's time to play

I always seem to get my way.

So thank you Lord for giving me

This human person that I see.

The one who hugs and holds me tight

And shares her bed with me at night!

-Author unknown

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The Life of a
Puppy

This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's
head.
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy,
oh my, this is great."
Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not
late."
Mom took me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails to
make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate
something weird - it gave me gas.

I'm sure God loves me, I know that is
true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I
really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.

That
obedience book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy
tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later,
I was well out of sight.

I made streamers of T. P., while running at
full speed.
Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew
under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and
breathed,
"You're too fast."

Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It
was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.
She'd
sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I
was just bored.

When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's
when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is
best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.

That didn't last
long, there was too much to do--
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's
shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb
squirrels as they jumped in a tree.

I barked at the kids, when they got
off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the
neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME
IN."

The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my
daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my
charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.

Sitting under
the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his
plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off
the furniture, and made lots of noise.

Mom found her purse - the one I
abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down
low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"

Mom turned off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go
boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought
'bout my day and what fun I had.

Mama kicked out my bone from the covers
below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss,
and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'.

Unknown
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NEW ONE!! SENT BY MY LIFELONG FRIEND, ROBYN SAYRE IN FRANKFORT!
So funny.. you'd better go pee BEFORE you read it..lol

The Purina Diet
(passed around in emails on the web. If you know the source, let us know so we can give credit. Until then, we'll call it anonymou.)

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.


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Come see this collection of dog jokes and funny poems


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part of our past customer section.
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